Maybe he’s the panty perv that peeks in your windows, hoping to catch a glimpse of you prancing around in one of those little thongs that peeks out of the top of your jeans…Maybe he’s a guy you sit next to in class, who can’t help but scribble your name all over his textbooks, then goes to the bathroom to jerk off while thinking of you…hmm, maybe he’s a stroker reading these very words right now!

I’m talking about boys that become obsessed!

I know you all are obsessed with me, but that’s different. 😉  I made the mistake of becoming a little too chummy with an incredibly hot guy that works at a big-box pharmacy near my house (for the sake of this conversation, let’s call him “Chad”).  Anyway, I’ve been flirting with Chad for months, and letting him buy me small gifts like flowers and costume jewelry.  Now I’m sick of him, and decided to ignore him for a while.

Easier said than done.

He won’t stop calling, texting, and leaving notes and gifts on my doorstep.  I agreed to meet with him one last time (along with one of my big, scary guy friends–but the obsessed boy didn’t know that), so that we could say goodbye and finally move on from this craziness.

We met at a corner coffee shop (my big, scary friend was “hiding” at another table), I told him he was psycho and that we couldn’t be friends anymore.  Out of nowhere, he lifts up his shirt, and–lo and behold–the creep was wearing one of my bras and a platinum unicorn necklace that I noticed was missing months earlier.  This dude doesn’t just want me, he wants to BE me!  I should’ve noticed the warning signs much, much earlier…the way he always smelled like my perfume, the way he loved borrowing my cotton candy chapstick, and his weird infatuation with my lingerie.  I should be able to spot a sissy slut as well as anyone!

Not sure how to react, I stood up and ran to the corner, laughing my ass off.  My big, strong friend had a little chat with the bitch boy, and I haven’t been bothered since (‘cept for a few text messages here and there, professing his love for me).

So, in dedication to the psycho-stalker-weirdo-bitchboy, and all others out there like him, sing along with Mariah and I! (Search MTV or You Tube for Mariah Carey’s song “Obsessed”.  I did have the video posted on my blog, but removed it due to load times decreasing.)

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